Pride Hides DeepPosted: May 16, 2012
For the past couple of weeks, Holy Spirit has been putting His finger on a lot of areas in my life as a young pastor. There are so many “logs I’m noticing in my eyes.” – Matthew 7:1-5
Now, I want to share these things because of three reasons.
1. God has forgiven me through Jesus’ resurrection
2. Pride never moves us closer to Jesus
3. We can find forgiveness through Jesus’ resurrection
Since there are many “confessions” for me to share during this 3 week span, I will only give one at a time on different blogs.
So here goes…
My wonderful wife Antoinette has dropped a bomb on me on our weekly date night. A bomb that had, in that particular moment, rocked my emotions so bad that the shrapnel tore down all my bones! Looking back on it now, the shrapnel effects was my slick pride being called out and destroyed.
“Honey, I feel like I need to tell you something I should have shared with you a long time ago. The reason I haven’t said much to you about this is because I wanted to avoid the possible conflict,” she said kindly.
Upon hearing this, (while eating our usual Large Oreo Sonic Blast dessert in the parking drive-thru), my heart began to race and the pace of eating our dessert sped up like someone trying to beat the yellow traffic light before turning red. We (Antoinette and myself) were actually supposed to share the treat but my anticipation of what was about to be said next was transferred to eating more fast!
“I feel like you need to be a better leader and discipler of me and our children,” she said gently. (I felt like she was shouting through a megaphone as I listened to her request of wanting to see change in me!)
“I feel like you explain to us what to do, but you need to show us,” she added. By then, I saw clearly what Holy Spirit was saying. I need to be diligent in leading my family by coming alongside them while doing. I knew she was right. But my feelings and emotions were destroyed…I was so crushed! You would think someone had died the way I was carrying on internally.
When it comes down to it…truth hurts deep…especially when you are full of pride!
My pride of thinking I was doing a great job in leading my family was so great that upon hearing the truth, I felt depressed. But should that be my response to hearing the truth…especially about my sin? Proverbs 9:8-9 says…Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you, reprove a wise man and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser, teach a righteous man and he will increase his learning.
My soft response after being silent for almost 2 minutes was, “Well, thank you for letting me know that. I needed to hear that and want to change, in order to become more like Jesus.”
I still felt crushed even though she said afterwards, “Honey, you are a great husband and father.” (But the deceptive pride in my heart clouded up the truth and made it difficult to embrace).
Oh, I want the way of Jesus even though that way is the way of death! And sharing this frees me even more to not be prideful…but to lead.
Pray with me as I really lead my family through careful instruction and doing by example.
I pray the same for you.